WHAT is the definition?
WHO decides that?
I PERSONALLY would like to say that I am active in Recovery- but I’m struggling.
I’m struggling with the way my body feels. The way it looks. I’m tired of always being the “chubby” girl. The “curvy” girl. I want to be the SKINNY one. The one who can wear anything without doubt. The one who feels confident that She’s NOT being judged for having a belly. Or thicker thighs. The one who has endless energy.
I WAS that girl before entering Treatment. Part of me WANTS that girl back. I NEED to feel that endless and chaotic rush of energy. The high you get from restricting is WORTH the growling reminder of your stomach that it’s been too long since you’ve eaten. It’s WORTH the severe constipation, moodiness, and freezing spells, even if it IS 50+ degrees out! It’s WORTH not getting enough sleep. And it IS worth feeling like you’re marching to the beat of your OWN drum!
AN Eating Disorder is your own. No one can take it away, or make it theirs. YOU are in “control”. (MOST of the time.) I like that feeling. Its precise, deliberate, and rewarding.
Because of yesterday’s weigh-in, I can’t lie. My eating had been sparse since then. I WILL eat dinner’s with my Husband when its “required”, but I’m on my own for daily meals, which has dramatically changed over the past few months. When I left Treatment, I was eating 3 Meals and 3 Snacks. I was pretty invested in staying on course, I WANTED to get better and put this behind me. Now, I’m not too sure….
So, what defines the difference between Recovery and Relapse?
I guess I do.
Shit.
Shelly's Recovery 