Time has flown by….
I’d be lying if I were to tell you that life has been wonderful.
It has been a vast blur.
Sleeping.
Working.
Eating.
NOT eating.
Binging.
Purging.
Laughing.
Crying….
Sobbing.
New Friends.
Old Friends.
Treatment Peeps.
Eating Disorder “Groups”.
Coffee….
A LOT of Coffee.
I.V., please!
Stomach aches.
Head aches.
BODY aches.
It’s been insanely HOT here.
I hate wearing shorts.
Jean’s are my Fave.
Tank-Tops.
Flip-flops.
Dr.’s Appointments.
Dentist, too.
Planning.
Serving.
Reading.
Writing.
And……
Avoiding Swim-Suit shopping.
With a MF’ing vengeance.
No lie.
It’s enough to make me jump off a Cliff.
IF I don’t kill myself first.
Temper Tantrums.
Crying.
Sweating.
Panicking.
As I root around for a paper bag.
Hyperventilate?
Vomit?
BOTH!?!
Most of all?
I DESPISE the reflection that I see in the Mirror.
You will argue.
But no matter what YOU see?
All I will ever be,
Is an ugly,
Fat,
Pathetic….
Blob.
I can scream-
Cry,
And hit my fists as hard as can be….
Against this Monster I see,
But She will never leave!?
No matter WHAT I do.
I will always remain the same.
Too Big.
Too Small.
Never….
Ever,
Enough.
I strive every day to earn other’s acceptance,
Why can’t I earn mine?
💔
Shelly's Recovery 