MY Surrender….

Dude.

I have needed God a LOT in my life.

HOWEVER, lately, I feel like I’ve needed Him MORE than ever.

The past few weeks, ok, months, have been REALLY rough for me.

No lie.

I WON’T go into specifics, BUT-

I honestly feel, and have felt like,

That I’ve hit rock bottom.

You know what’s ironic about that?

ROCK Bottom.

What’s A rock?

And WHO is my Rock?

Who HAS been my Rock?

Jesus.

Yep.

Funny…..

When you hit ROCK Bottom, WHAT do you DO?

You RELY on that ROCK.

Cling for safety…

And PRAY that you don’t fall OFF that Rock.

Right?

Because of certain circumstances that developed out at one of MY most Sacred places, Camp, I’ve HAD to rely ON Him, and not anyone else.

And most certainly,

NOT myself.

Last night, after a SUPER convicting Concert at my Church,

I went home, layed on my bed, and sobbed.

Like a Baby.

Ugly-crying probably ensued,

BUT that is beside the point.

I love Music.

Like, REALLY love it.

So,

I listened to Worship music….

Prayed,

And listened to what the Holy Spirit had to say.

To ME.

A light bulb went off, and not only did it bring RELIEF,

It put EVERYTHING into perspective for me.

I.CAN’T.DO.THIS.BY.MYSELF.

I just CAN’T.

I DON’T know HOW to do this on my own.

And last night,

I FINALLY realized that.

Not just in my MIND,

But,

In my Heart!

And,

IN my SOUL.

My SOUL, dude!?!

So?

I let the tears flow.

Sometimes you NEED to LET IT OUT.

I can’t do that with other people around,

So I was SUPER glad the Hubby was downstairs, watching the Telly.

As sob-racked as I WAS?!?

I felt the MOST at peace I’ve EVER felt.

SERIOUSLY.

WAY better than YOGA.

And?

I KNEW that I NEEDED to be reminded of WHO really is in control of my life.

I NEEDED to be reminded that NO matter how far, or how many times I’ve strayed,

That I have a Heavenly Shepard,

Who will NEVER stop searching for me.

For ME!?

HIS lost little Lamb,

Who has been BLEATING as loud as she possibly could.

For a LONG time.

Guess what?

He heard her.

HEARS her.

He’s pulled her back into His safety.

Gently guiding her BACK to the rest of His Flock.

And back onto HIS rock.

One that NEVER crumbles….

Even WHEN I’ve done HORRIBLE things….

Even when I’ve SAID horrible things…

And even WHEN I think I know best.

I don’t.

Never have,

Never will.

It’s HIS will to be done.

NOT mine.

Man, do I feel like a HUGE weight has been lifted OFF of me.

I can’t describe it.

Freedom?

Not sure.

BUT,

It feels good!

Thank you, Jesus, for being MY Shepard’s Hook!

For snatching me before I ran MYSELF off a Cliff.

Thank you for saving me!

There’s NO price for that.

Except,

As usual,

I WILL praise HIS name over ALL else!

It’s the LEAST I can do.

I owe Him MORE than that.

I will never be able to repay Him.

EVER.

And He doesn’t WANT me to.

THAT’S what’s AMAZING, and CRAZY, about ALL of this!?!?

There is NOTHING I CAN give Him,

or DO,

To pay My debts.

It leaves one feeling a bit sorry for one’s self, eh?

LOL.

I think I just even heard God chuckle at that one….

No pity.

No shame.

Just Love.

And,

His AMAZING Grace!

AMEN!