I’ve never felt so discarded….
Empty.
Brokenhearted.
And,
Worthless.
In my entire life.
I am struggling to understand.
WHY?
What about you is so disarming,
And arrogant,
At the same time!?
It’s maddening.
How can you just walk away?
Like everyone else?
To prove a point?
Of “Authority”??
Because I didn’t ask….
Permission!?
That may be valid to you,
But it isn’t to me.
Because all I see,
Is someone who is a coward….
Claiming that I’M the person,
Who is running away.
When in reality,
It is you.
Yes,
YOU.
You WON’T accept my apologies.
And you REFUSE to talk to me!?
Yes-
I’m coming at you full-force,
Because I want,
And NEED you to see,
How much you really DO mean to me.
Maybe that’s the issue?
You’re like the Big Brother that I never had,
Always wanted,
And then finally got.
Only to be taken away?
Dude,
NO one ever agrees with someone else 100%….
Our actions aren’t pre-meditated.
It’s IN the heat of the moment,
When words fly.
Heart’s break.
And the fury of Anger,
Releases an Army of spite.
Yes,
It can’t be taken back.
I wish that I could,
Trust me!
But,
I can’t move forward,
When I don’t understand the WHY.
And,
Honestly?
If it is without you.
I loved you,
Like FAMILY!?!
Maybe that is why,
This pill is so hard to swallow….
Most,
If not ALL,
Of my Family has abandoned me.
For SURVIVING!
For speaking the Truth.
One that doesn’t match their own.
And now?
I get to add you to that list.
Yes,
I’m angry….
But,
More at myself….
For allowing you in.
Trusting you,
Letting my heart grow roots…
When the soil was perhaps a bit poisonous to begin with.
I should’ve known.
Expected…..
Everything I touch,
Turns to shit.
Honestly.
Somehow,
Every single time,
I’M the one who ruins it!?!
MY behavior,
And,
MY actions…..
Determine who stays,
And,
Who goes.
I feel as though,
Shame is my shadow….
Hovering,
Alienating,
Killing.
I guess,
The Cheese stands…..
Alone?
She always HAS,
And,
She always WILL.
Shelly's Recovery 